I knew being an attorney would mean lots of sacrificing. I knew that the large salary came with the expectation that I would be willing to work weekends and change my plans last minute. I knew I would run the risk of seeming flakey to my non-lawyer friends, and I knew that there would be times when I would have trouble planning more than 24 hours in advance for anything.
I just didn’t think it would come so quickly. Here I am, the day before I’m supposed to be leaving to spend Thanksgiving with my future in-laws, still uncertain as to whether I’ll be able to get on the plane tomorrow night, or if work will intervene. It’s a terrible feeling—to be as OCD as I am and yet not be able to know for certain if I should be making last minute plans to crash my parents’ thanksgiving instead.
What’s worse is that I know Christmas will be no different. I have filing deadlines the week before and the week after, and I may only end up home for two or three days, max. And I’m working for a firm that is consistently listed as having a “good” work-life balance. I have no idea if and when I’ll be able to write Christmas cards, or how I’ll find time to Christmas shop. I have brushed off my mom four times now when she has asked what I want for Christmas, and I have no clue what I’ll be getting for any of my relatives. And I’m contemplating scheduling shopping into my outlook calendar so I don’t forget to do it.
Yet, no matter how much I’d like to make my blog this week a full-out bitch fest, I find myself realizing that I have plenty to be thankful about this week, even if I may be sitting down for turkey at a different table than I had expected. Given the state of the economy and the legal market, I am grateful to be so busy. I’m thankful for the consistent paycheck, and for job security. I have law school classmates who are leaving in fear of receiving pink slips instead of end-of-the-year bonuses. I have good friends who will come no where near their billable hours and have spent the last few months coming up with a story to back up their performance. I spent the summer before I started working reading abovethelaw.com and fearing the worst about whether my smaller firm would be able to endure the economic downturn. And here we are, hiring attorneys, plenty busy and the future looks equally bright.
More importantly, I’m thankful for the friends and family that have been so incredibly supportive as I spend late nights and weekends in the office. I’m thankful for the colleagues who keep their doors constantly open for questions. I am thankful for my future in-laws, who have promised not to disown me if I can’t make it out to see them on Wednesday night. And I’m thankful for my best friend, who I thought would hate me, but was super supportive when I called her last minute to cancel Saturday dinner plans. And, I am thankful for my parents, who are willing to listen to me whine and willing to pick up and bring thanksgiving dinner to me if need be.
Then there is my fiancé, who is becoming quite adept at giving me the best hugs when I get home and assuring me, in a way that only he can, that I am really getting myself too worked up about things. Now if only I could teach myself to listen when he tells me that I need to just take deep breaths and know that I am doing all I can.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment