Pla.tonic

Adj. [usually] designating or of a relationship, or love, between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexuality.

When I checked cnn.com today, I should have been paying attention to the various headlines. But instead I was drawn to an article today entitled “seven signs you have a work spouse.” It was helpful information for those of you out there with workplace crushes, but I found myself unable to get past the question—why is it any of their coworker’s business??

Perhaps it is my own tendency to form close personal platonic relationships with guys that makes me particularly sensitive to the topic. When I was in graduate school, I had a good friend who I used to chat with each day in the lobby while reading for classes and checking my email. Ever the slave to routine, I would park myself in the lobby each day, set up my computer, and he would tend to stop by between classes and do the same. There was no kissing involved. No late night trysts. Just football, conversation, confidences, and a relationship that didn’t carry the baggage of “I wonder what he’s thinking?” or “Does he want to date me?” Perfectly platonic. Funny, thing is, all of his classmates assumed that we were dating. If you think rumors spread like wildfire on Gossip Girl and the halls of high school, you should try graduate school.

Or even worse, law school—it happened to me again there. Only that time, folks didn’t have the courtesy to ask me to my face if my best guy friend and I were dating. They just assumed. So much so that I think most girls who were interested stayed away, even though they would quickly have learned that we just lived near each other. I had a long distance boyfriend I was very much in love with, and that friendship—innocent. Although I guess I can’t blame them for assuming, yet again. When my friend’s ex-boyfriend had the good sense to ask me what was going on, he still didn’t believe me. It was bad enough that when my fiancé, my best friend, and I showed up at a birthday party for a mutual friend of ours after graduation, some of my former classmates had the gall to sit there and question my best friend to his face when we’d broken up. We would have had to date to break up. . .

I think we know the definition of platonic love, and believe in the concept, but have trouble understanding and believing in its existence. Whether it be rooted in jealousy or unhealthy curiosity, we find ourselves scrutinizing nearly every relationship between two people of opposite sexes to determine the dynamics at play. Does he want to date her but she’s not interested? Is it the reverse? Is one of them married/engaged/dating? Is the other trying to break them up? Are they having *gasp* an affair? Perhaps it was Harry’s declaration to Sally that a man and woman can never be friends. Or maybe it is that, as a culture, we are so infatuated with gossip and drama that we find ourselves reading deeply into honest acts of friendship and kindness and assuming there is more there than friendship. Even though we all know what happens when you assume things. . .

But even for all of my own frustrating experiences, when I came home today, mentioned the article to my fiancé, and found out that his female work friend had suggestively sent him the article, I found myself just as jealous, just as curious about their relationship. I found myself curious as to whether her intentions were pure, or if she views their friendship as innocently as he does. When he told me that his response to her sending the article was to jokingly ask if he needed to buy her a ring, I actually got angry. First at him—then at myself. The logical, rational, and intellectual part of my brain knows that I have nothing to fear. I know that his relationship with her is very much the same as my past and current friendships with my close guy friends. I value the honesty, the willingness to cut past all the bullshit of female relationships and tell me straight to my face when I am thinking with girl-logic or craziness that comes from the lack of a Y chromosome. I am grateful for the times when I’ve been so livid with my fiancé, but my guy friends have helped me see things from a guy’s point of view—helped me accept all the changes that come with moving in together, starting a life together. My own relationships with guys have made me be a better companion, and will make me a better wife. None of those things would be possible for me without the insight of platonic friends who are there to carry you through life. Whose friendship and love means the world to you, but whose lust you have never craved nor would you ever want.

I know all these things, but I was still jealous. . . I guess I’m human.