Rich the Dealer

Last weekend I had my work Holiday Party. Although I found it a little odd that it was so early in the holiday season, it was a very good time. Each year they have the event “Monte Carlo” themed at one of the Hilton banquet halls. Everyone has a few drinks, eats a very nice dinner, and then goes to the other area of the banquet hall where they have casino table games set up. There are about 200-250 people and it is always a very good time.

This was our second year attending the holiday party. My husband and I had finished dinner somewhat early so we decided to wander over to the gaming tables to secure a seat. As we walked over to the table games with our inexpensive wine in one hand and fake poker chips in the other we decided we would stick with poker for the night. Both of us enjoy playing poker and we knew that the blackjack tables would get too crowded as the night went on. As we headed towards the poker tables we realized that one of the dealers was the same dealer who dealt at our table last year! No one was sitting at his table yet, so we decided to take a seat and talk to him for a while before other players showed up at the table.

Rich was our dealer for the night. He was an older gentleman with kind eyes, a warm & inviting smile, and stark white hair. He made me blush by telling my husband that if he was just a few years younger he would have asked me to dance! He winked and said after a few years behind him he knows a thing or two about the charm of a dance floor. After chatting for a few minutes, recapping how the last year had been, he started telling us a few stories. We only had about 20 minutes to talk until other people started to join our table and wanting to play poker. However, as I sat and listened during those 20 minutes I got an interesting glimpse of a very insightful and experienced perspective from a man who had truly lived a full life.

Rich told us many stories that made us laugh and smile. He had been retired for 21 years and made a clear point to let us know that he had retired at the ripe young age of 54. He talked about how he had worked for US Steel Company for his entire career. He went into a long and very detailed account of the one time he almost left US Steel…. Xerox had heavily recruited him to move to Buffalo, NY to head their finance team. He actually took the job offer, had a going-away party at US Steel on Friday, left for Buffalo and realized it wasn’t the type of city he wanted to raise his family in. He called his old boss on Sunday afternoon and got his job back and was back at US Steel on Monday. Technically, he never actually missed a day of work at US Steel! Not only was he able to keep his pension but he also kept his future bragging rights to claim he had worked at the same company for 35 years. Although that particular story doesn’t have much to do with the rest of this blog, I thought it was such a fun story that I would share!

After hearing about his children, Rich talked about something that resonated with me and that I have thought a lot about since that evening. He talked about how he and his father had a wonderful bond when they were growing up. He had a deep love and respect for his father and his father shared the same reverence for him. He said that growing up they never told each other they loved each other, because they didn’t need to. Both of them understood the love that was there and so there was no need to voice that feeling. In his own words: “Two men telling each other they love each other? We just didn’t do that.” He said the love between a son and a father was to be expected and shown through actions, but not spoken about.

And then his father passed. Rich said he could not get over the overwhelming feeling of sadness and regret due to the fact that he and his father never actually said that they loved the other. He said they both knew and understood that love, but that he wishes every day he would have taken away a little bit of his pride and told his father how much he loved him and meant to him.

He then spoke about his own son who is a grown man now. He said it is the best feeling in the world to call your son on the phone, ask how he and the grandkids are doing, get an update on their activities, and end the phone call with his son saying, “I love you Dad”. No shame or pride to the words, just a simple phrase that represents so much more than just three words.

At that time, two fellow employees asked if they could join the table. The stories from Rich stopped and we played cards for the next few hours. Although the stories stopped, what he had shared continued to tug at my thoughts. My own father and I had a few years that we didn’t see or speak to one another. We have since resolved this rift in our past, however, I struggle getting the words “I love you” out to him when we talk. It seems so silly and for some reason I get this embarrassed feeling when I am getting ready to tell him I love him so I never do it. I don’t have this problem with anyone else in my family. In fact, I probably have the opposite effect with everyone else by telling them I love them too much! Especially my teenage brothers hate that!

So, this is something I am going to work on this holiday season. I will be traveling home to visit my family for nearly two weeks during Christmas. Rich is right, there is absolutely no reason why I should be hesitant to express these feelings. And, if god-forbid, something was to happen I know I would continuously regret this. So, to Rich the Dealer, thank you for sharing a struggle you have had. Your lessons learned have helped me kick start a change my own ineffective behaviors.