We Can Work It Out

It's easy to fight with your boyfriend or husband. It's someone you care a lot about and are intimate with, so getting upset to the point of initiating an argument is something that will probably happen on a semi-regular basis, assuming you both are relatively normal human beings. It's not that you don't love each other. Often, passionate love can lead to passionate anger, hurt or disappointment. It is only natural that one would feel the need to express it. And God knows, I do.

The same is true with your family. I would hope that most of us have had a few knock-down, drag-outs with our parents and siblings. Again, I am no stranger to that behavior. And yet, getting into an argument with a good friend is completely different.

You do love your girlfriends. You feel really close to them and share intimate details with them. I know I have some friends that I cannot live without. They are really the people who help me get through the days. They listen to me, make me laugh, and provide a shoulder to cry on. But when a close friend disappoints you to the point where it's really bothering you, it's nearly impossible to express it. I guess it's because we want to believe that those relationships are perfect. We can't stand to have that fight or argument, make each other cry, and risk real damage the way we are willing to with our partners and families. Maybe it's also because we are not legally bound to our friends. We know if things get really messed up between us, that really could be it, and then who would be there to get us through our lives?

Although I will say this. Friendships are rarely perfect, but I'm finding that as I get older, I'm not cultivating friendships with people who I'm not as compatible with any more. I find the people who I let in and maintain those relationships with are folks who, consciously or not, I have chosen very carefully. If someone lets me down and I know that there's not much substance between us, I'm realistic about it, about moving on without that person in my life. I love the friends I have, and I'm confident that there won't be any emotional disasters that completely burn bridges-- the kind of drama I have dealt with many times when I was younger.

I've often heard people talk about getting better as you get older; really relishing the wisdom that comes with age. I'm starting to get that. Certainly, I don't have it all figured out. But I feel smarter about who I choose to let in and trust. I have true friends that I can count on, and I won't risk losing them. I hope that if we do face obstacles, we are able to get through them. That the love we have for each other can overcome all of the mini-dramas we face. I don't know what I'd do without them.