Where'd All My Security Go?

Money is important to me.  I am not one of those people who say, I can make do on $35K/year for the rest of my life.  I can't.  It's not because I have expensive tastes.  I think it's probably because of the way I was raised.  See, my parents made a decent living, but were extremely cautious with their spending.  Making money and having money was all about security for them.  Money was valuable to the extent that it could keep us healthy, safe and productive.

I like to indulge in buying things, though I have my limits.  I recently got an expensive Burberry wallet I have been pining for.  I love it, and I'm glad I have it, but I also felt a little dirty when I bought it.  I know I didn't need it.  But I will allow myself to do stuff like that- splurge with a couple of hundred dollars.  I also see things like Chanel bags that I desire, but giving up $2,000 for a bag is something I don't think I could ever do, no matter how much money I had.  At least I hope not.

Part of the irony about buying stuff you want is that if you're anything like me, it will really actually never be enough.  I used to think if I won the lottery or married a prince, I would just go out and buy all of things I really wanted (one huge period of splurging) and then keep it kind of reasonable.  Something grand here and there, but for the most part stick to stores along the lines of J.Crew, not Bergdoff's.  But I don't think it ever ends for most girls.  There is simply too much fashion, jewelry, make-up and accessories to be had.  (Sigh.)  Perhaps it is a blessing that I can't afford fancy stuff.

But back to the overall concept of money.  I do crave security and therefore want to have money, but what's really scary is that the idea of security has completely shifted.  Working hard in school and being a top performer used to be enough to know that you would always be able to provide for yourself and loved ones.  Not these days.  I know a lot of people who are total badasses in terms of higher education and prestigious jobs and are out of work, with no end to their unemployment in sight.  And forget about making money, even just saving money is not a guarantee.  You think your company has your pension secure, that you can retire on your 401k, but for the first time in a long time, people are really and rightfully questioning all that.  The best way for us to get out of this recession is to be unafraid.  I'm with GirlMonday.  Spend.  Do the things you wanted to do.  Reach your goals.  Go for it anyway.  But I can see why people would be really, really scared to do so.  I'm tempted to withdraw from the bank and hide it under the mattress myself.

I know the economy is in the toilet right now, but I still believe in capitalism and that all of this will self-correct and all of that good stuff.  I'm for the government spending-- appropriately. Last year, I made less money that the year before (when I was a single girl aggressively working my butt off).  Sure, it was a little sad to see the gross income go down.  But it didn't bother me like it should have.  Why?  Because if I had made more money, a greater chunk of my total would have gone to taxes.  So personally, it wasn't worth it for me to put in more time and effort.  That's just the honest truth.  The government's rate of tax incentived me to work less.  I find that very sad.  

I'm all for helping out the truly unfortunate, but I have doubts about the way the government allocates my money.  There are things I want to do that I can't do because I have to give up so much of my income.  For example, I'm not going to have children until I can afford it.  Yet, some of my money is contributing to the welfare of some other kid.  It doesn't seem fair, because it's not.  I can respect that people lack resources and get into negative situations, but shouldn't I be able to help them on my own terms (e.g. charity of my choice)?  It's not just the supposedly poor the government wants to spend for.  There's the banks, the auto industry. When's the last time the government bailed you out of your debt?  I'm losing the money I have invested because of your bad management practices, but part of what I have left is devoted to saving you?  And that's going to make me more confident in the economy?

I want to hold onto my money.  Even if I have some to spare, I don't think of it as extra cash flow.  It's my security.  It's not easy out there, and I think I'm entitled to hold on to whatever I was able to get my hands on in the first place.