Watch What Happens.

An analysis of the entertainment found only on Bravo.

I have often heard people complain about “reality shows”. However, I think they are brilliant. Well— let me qualify that. I am not that interested in watching skanky girls resolve their differences by spitting at each other on “Flavor of Love”, or people testing stun guns on themselves a la “Jackass”. I think the success of reality shows can be attributed to viewers seeking humanity in their entertainment. Determination, talent and compassion can be seen, in truly real moments, on all of these shows, from monster hits like “The Amazing Race” to silly melodramas like “The Hills”. And in my opinion, no network does reality better than Bravo TV.

Project Runway
My favorite show on Bravo is “Project Runway”. I got on board with this show at the start of the second season and I haven’t looked back. The show has one of the best models (and I don’t mean Heidi Klum) in reality TV- it’s about the clothes, people. As enjoyable as it is to see the squabbles between the designers, the arguments between the judges and the designers on the runway, and the oh-so-cool celebrity guests make their appearances, the best part of this show is the creative concepts the designers put into their garments. All of the contestants are passionate about fashion and want desperately to “make it”. But they don’t get there by making fools out of themselves. Seeing them turn their visions into breathtaking, or ghastly, gowns in a matter of days and hours is pretty remarkable. There is something very, very fun about seeing a person pick out seemingly innocuous and unrelated fabrics and adornments, and turning them into something beautiful, or hideous. “Project Runway” very intelligently picks people with all kinds of “wackadoodle” (to quote eliminated contestant Suede) points of view. That is where the entertainment comes from. Following the competition each week, you really want the best person to win. (The finale was this week, and my fave, Leanne was the victor—it felt great.) Sure, it’s fun to have favorites or to hate someone for being a total bitch, but in the end, the prize is great and there is satisfaction in watching the winner earn it all (or disagreeing vehemently with the judges’ choice). And the prize isn’t earned by acting outrageous. It’s by being damn good. Network executives, take note.

The Rachel Zoe Project
I was so glad to see this show hit the airwaves. As a ravenous consumer of gossip, I have heard that Rachel Zoe (pronounced Zoh) is the mastermind behind all beautiful women in Hollywood. Celebrities are pretty, for sure, but we all know it takes a lot of make-up, lighting, personal trainers, chefs and numerous other minions to get them looking good. And no assist is greater than that from the celebrity stylist. And no stylist is more famous than Rachel Zoe.

The first season of the show concluded this week. I was excited because we finally got to see some short interviews with Rachel’s biggest client, Jennifer Garner, who is every bit as adorable as I imagine her being. I was also glad to see some sort of resolution regarding the Brad—Taylor affair. So Brad and Taylor are basically a demented Will and Grace. Taylor has a pretty face and messy blonde hair and has this punk rock vibe going. Rachel constantly praises Brad’s style, bowtie preppy and clean on the canvas of a cute, gay guy. Taylor has been Rachel’s assistant for two and a half years, and Brad just got hired to take the grunt work off of her, so she can do more important things. Brad was formerly at Vogue. Taylor is a complete bitch who feels the need to rant and rave, very harshly, at Brad for all for all of the things he does wrong. The thing is, she never tells him what to do. (Pointed out brilliantly in the finale episode by Rachel’s very sweet makeup guy, Joey.) Not that Brad is perfect. He does have a frivolity about him and there is a kernel of truth to Taylor’s complaints that he loves the glamorous side of the job, i.e. being Rachel’s BFF, a little too much. But overall, you root for him. You want to shake Taylor and inform her that this is not rocket science, and she is no Rhodes Scholar. Nevertheless, the Day of the Oscars in the most important of the year for Rachel’s camp. Brad makes a huge boo-boo when he gets to Kate Beckinsale’s house. As he pulls up, he gets a call that he is needed at Cameron Diaz’s. So he calls ‘Rache’ to find out what to do. She says, go on to Cameron, I’ll be at Kate’s in a minute. So then Brad’s like, I feel really bad leaving Rachel to deal with this on her own, but oh well. In the end, the major problem is that Brad did not leave Rachel a “kit” at Kate’s house. A “kit” in the Zoe camp, I guess, has the double-stick tape, shoe pads, and all of the other little tools used to get a celeb red-carpet ready. So Rachel gets really pissed at Brad, Brad weeps uncontrollably, Rachel tries to console Brad but as she does, Taylor loses her shit on Brad even though he’s crying hysterically—and Brad quits. In the end, Rachel convinces Taylor to call Brad and get him back, which she does. Now, I don’t know why every member of the Zoe camp doesn’t just have a kit in their own car on Oscar day. Or why Rachel didn’t say to Brad, make sure you leave a kit for me at Kate’s. It seems like a lot of their problems could be solved if they were all a little more organized, and I think it’s fairly clear the fault lies with Taylor.

Rachel Zoe herself is pretty entertaining. I think I like her overall, though she does some pretty inane things. The craziest to me is her penchant for oversized sunglasses. I can see sunglasses that are a little larger than usual, but hers are insane. She looks like an alien. And here’s what REALLY kills me—she and her pal Joey even had them on when they were watching the Oscar red carpet on TV, in her house. It’s bad enough to wear sunglasses indoors, but here you are, watching the looks you picked out traipse their way across the screen, and you can’t take off your cool sunglasses. Rachel knows that color and fabric choices don’t always translate the same on TV--she mentions this--so wouldn’t she want to observe them accurately? The other crazy Rachel-ism is her vocabulary. Here’s a primer—bananas, meaning awesome/great. Shut it down, as in, you look so great the world has stopped functioning. The most irritating phrase: I die. Or just, die. Or D-I-E, reserved for when Rachel sees something so fabulous it’s like her heart literally stops.

Rachel’s long-suffering husband is Rodger. He is the down-to-earth presence, the ying to her yang. This poor guy is really supportive of his wife who he hardly ever seems to see, especially during fashion week. But I do credit them big time for their teamwork. He understands her vision and seems to help her achieve it, however she needs him. He is encouraging her to start her own brand, which given her sense of style and her reputation is a no-brainer. But a few times I have heard her say, “but when am I going to have a baby?!” and then she laughs. Rachel is around 36 years old. Nothing drives me crazier than an aging woman who does not realize it might not be as easy to have a baby as she thinks. Rachel’s personal life takes a tragic backseat. When her uncle dies, she is extremely sad (hysterical, really) and feels she must make it back east for the funeral. That is why I love Rachel Zoe. But she doesn’t end up making it to the funeral because of an important fashion shoot. That is why I hate Rachel Zoe. I’ll tell you one thing, though— that theme song is bananas. I die.

And The Rest
But Bravo’s brilliant programming does not end there. I loved the first few seasons of “The Real Housewives of Orange County”. Sure, most of these women are spoiled rotten and their values are flawed, but I found myself rooting for them and connecting with them. It was delicious fun to see them interact and deal with their issues. I didn’t think I could fall in love with a new class, but the New York cast is just as fun. Atlanta premiered this week, focusing on the city’s African-American elite. I really, really, really applaud Bravo for showing us another kind of rich. They knocked it out of the park with this one. Those peaches entertain.

I also like “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style”. I usually get bored with these kinds of makeover shows, but I love his Top 10 list of garments every woman should own, and his tips are helpful and easy to follow. I haven’t seen “Top Chef” though I know the second I do, I’ll be addicted. It’s cable’s number one food show, beating out even the Food Network. I also haven’t yet seen that many episodes of “Top Design”. But the one thing I have learned from that show is that Todd Oldham is a freakin’ genius. He acts as a ‘Design Mentor’ and his advice and ideas for the contestants are so brilliant and ingenious it’ll make you want to smack your momma. I remember him from the MTV of my youth, but I had no idea the scope of his talent.

Talent is a common theme with Bravo. They pick a topic- fashion, food, glamour- and they get the best. They get the Michael Kors, the Rachel Zoe. No show more brilliantly showcased talent than the one that started it all, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. The Fab Five weren’t just funny gay guys. It was a necessary component, yes, but the essential ingredient was that all of these men were at the very top of their fields. Minus Jai Rodriguez, who I thought was completely worthless. But Carson Kressley more than made up for him. I have a theory that Carson and I are the same person. But that is for another post.