I was recently watching an old episode of “Sex and the City”, one of my all-time favorite past times, when the characters briefly brought up an issue I find very interesting. Charlotte (the brunette, preppy one) was going on and on about how happy she was that she finally found “the one” (Trey, with whom things did not end up going so swimmingly). Miranda (the redhead, cynical one) rebutted Charlotte with something along the lines of, “he’s not the one; this is not fate—his light was on”. She described this theory about men being like cabs. They go around, living their lives, having dalliances with different women over and over again. Then one day, they decide that they are ready to get married, have children and settle down. Their light goes on. The next woman such a guy dates is the one he will marry.
This theory brings up many relevant relationship issues—soul mates, fate, timing. I think most of us grow up with the idealized version of ever after. We look for love. We look for that special person who is right for us. We want it to feel like it’s meant to be. So the idea that someone would make the decision to get married because the time is right for him to be married, not because of the person he is with, is somewhat unnerving. Even if you don’t believe in soul mates, if you think there are several people you could be happy with for the rest of your life, you probably don’t think you could be happy with any old person. Are there men out there that think it’s essentially irrelevant who the particular person they decide to make a life with is (assuming they meet some base level requirements)?
On the one hand, I don’t think this is a framework I personally could ever agree with. On the other, I wonder how different such a strategy is from something like arranged marriage, which under certain circumstances I am a strong supporter of. In a way, maybe a man behaving as a cab has the right idea. After all, if you are the kind of person who thinks you should “live a little” in your twenties, it makes sense to impose a certain, future time when you are ready to commit to ending the fun. Or, if you are the sort of person who knows you are your best self in a steady relationship, it would make sense to lock it all down at a young age. In that case, you would know that you could meet someone you would be more compatible with later, but if you are ready to build your marital home, who’s to say it’s wrong to go ahead and do so? Same with breaking up with a good partner when you’re 19 solely because everyone tells you that you are too young to be “so serious”. In our society, we don’t criticize that kind of thing. And is what these cab-men do so different from the girls who just really want to be married by 22?
So, maybe I think- to each his or her own. I know I would have a hard time being with someone who is not with me because he feels we were meant to be together. But does it really matter? After all, it isn’t that head-over-heels magic that will sustain our relationship through the years—it’s familial love, respect and commitment. Which, I suppose, can come out of various courtship scenarios. Here’s hoping that you have found or will find the path that works for you.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tech-Savvy Generation
Sorry that this is posted is so late in the day. My husband left earlier this week for a job interview, took our laptop with him, and I didn’t even realize until late last night that my post was on the computer he had, and because he had the computer I also didn’t have internet access….so I had to wait until I got to the office (I had meetings in Eastern PA this morning). End result: Sorry for the late blog.
So, today is my brother Beau’s 13th birthday. And, as I was trying to figure out what a 13-year old boy might be interested in it got me to thinking how things have changed since I was thirteen. The reality is that things aren’t all that different and is hasn’t been all that long since I was a tall, skinny, awkward junior-highschooler. Primarily there is one area where things are different: technology.
Let me take a step back and explain my family situation. I am the oldest of 10 children. Yes, t-e-n. Ages and names are as follows: Rich-22, Megan-19, Erica-16, Derek-14, Beau-13, Luke-9, Jake-5, Emma & Anya (twins)-2. It was crazy growing up (it is all different now, but when I was in high school there were 10 people in the same house and we only had one bathroom!). So, having a huge family basically means that we have a birthday almost every single month. I usually don’t have a hard time finding what to get for my siblings…but 13 is a tough age, especially for a boy.
As I started thinking about the kinds of things I wanted when I was his age, I realized that I was really into clothes, cd’s, and lip gloss. I asked my older brother, Rich, what kind of things he was into at that age, and he remembered wanting cd’s, videogames, and sports gear. But, what really surprises me is that the things that Beau is asking for are things like an upgraded cell phone, ipod touch, and a new motorcycle/dirt bike. I still can’t get over the fact that my 13-year brother has his own cell phone (and probably my 9-year old brother will be getting one soon)! I didn’t have my own cell phone until I left for college and I was paying for it myself!! Now don’t get me wrong, my siblings aren’t very spoiled, and they usually have to work for the nicer things they get, but the things they are asking for seem so different.
The funny thing is that it seems as though I missed this young-technology era only by a couple years. When I was in junior high, the cool thing was to write notes in all kinds of pastel-colored pens, fold them up in quirky ways, and pass them during breaks. Now, the primary way to communicate with people in your grade is to text them. I still get a kick out of the fact that my brothers will text girls all day long, but they are too shy to actually talk to the girls. It is almost as if the craze with texting has left our younger generations a bit socially inept.
In many ways it is a great thing that technology is being utilized at a younger age. The learning curve will be much gentler when they are required to use technology in school, new ideas and advancements will likely be created due to younger minds being trained in this area. However, I miss the days when have a blast meant climbing the tree house in your backyard cherry tree, playing tetherball with the neighbors was so cool, and summers were filled with climbing sand dunes and jumping in canals.
So, in lieu of my cell-phone-free youth, I ultimately decided upon getting my brother a Cabelas gift card. My dad is going to take him on a hunting trip this month and I figured he could buy a nice hunting knife or a vest to wear while he is out. Although it may not be the tech-savvy gift he had wanted, I think it is something he will create a memory from and will be able to enjoy for many years. He may not understand my rationale now, but maybe if I show him this blog in a few years he will get a kick out of it.
So, today is my brother Beau’s 13th birthday. And, as I was trying to figure out what a 13-year old boy might be interested in it got me to thinking how things have changed since I was thirteen. The reality is that things aren’t all that different and is hasn’t been all that long since I was a tall, skinny, awkward junior-highschooler. Primarily there is one area where things are different: technology.
Let me take a step back and explain my family situation. I am the oldest of 10 children. Yes, t-e-n. Ages and names are as follows: Rich-22, Megan-19, Erica-16, Derek-14, Beau-13, Luke-9, Jake-5, Emma & Anya (twins)-2. It was crazy growing up (it is all different now, but when I was in high school there were 10 people in the same house and we only had one bathroom!). So, having a huge family basically means that we have a birthday almost every single month. I usually don’t have a hard time finding what to get for my siblings…but 13 is a tough age, especially for a boy.
As I started thinking about the kinds of things I wanted when I was his age, I realized that I was really into clothes, cd’s, and lip gloss. I asked my older brother, Rich, what kind of things he was into at that age, and he remembered wanting cd’s, videogames, and sports gear. But, what really surprises me is that the things that Beau is asking for are things like an upgraded cell phone, ipod touch, and a new motorcycle/dirt bike. I still can’t get over the fact that my 13-year brother has his own cell phone (and probably my 9-year old brother will be getting one soon)! I didn’t have my own cell phone until I left for college and I was paying for it myself!! Now don’t get me wrong, my siblings aren’t very spoiled, and they usually have to work for the nicer things they get, but the things they are asking for seem so different.
The funny thing is that it seems as though I missed this young-technology era only by a couple years. When I was in junior high, the cool thing was to write notes in all kinds of pastel-colored pens, fold them up in quirky ways, and pass them during breaks. Now, the primary way to communicate with people in your grade is to text them. I still get a kick out of the fact that my brothers will text girls all day long, but they are too shy to actually talk to the girls. It is almost as if the craze with texting has left our younger generations a bit socially inept.
In many ways it is a great thing that technology is being utilized at a younger age. The learning curve will be much gentler when they are required to use technology in school, new ideas and advancements will likely be created due to younger minds being trained in this area. However, I miss the days when have a blast meant climbing the tree house in your backyard cherry tree, playing tetherball with the neighbors was so cool, and summers were filled with climbing sand dunes and jumping in canals.
So, in lieu of my cell-phone-free youth, I ultimately decided upon getting my brother a Cabelas gift card. My dad is going to take him on a hunting trip this month and I figured he could buy a nice hunting knife or a vest to wear while he is out. Although it may not be the tech-savvy gift he had wanted, I think it is something he will create a memory from and will be able to enjoy for many years. He may not understand my rationale now, but maybe if I show him this blog in a few years he will get a kick out of it.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Broadcast News
You know... Ugh. Sigh. I was going to say that my super annoying day started when I rolled out of bed and logged onto Facebook and saw that almost all of my "friends" proclaimed they had donated their status to the Obama campaign. I was going to say that but then I realized this has been going on much longer than today, and this issue is much bigger than Facebook etiquette.
The friends who donated status updates to Mr. Obama works at the major-media company I currently work at and/or the major-media company I worked at previously. And when I say "media," I am specifically talking about the news.
This fact should upset you if you watch, read, or hear the news.
I work in the news. I went to graduate school to study the news. But I never felt that someone needs to have a shiny degree in order to know right from wrong.
I also happen to believe that personal politics are... hmm, I dunno... personal? So while it always rubbed me the wrong way when a professor would unload his proclivities on the classroom as if they were fact, at the blue-state, private graduate school I attended, I took the preaching a little more in stride since there was always the underlying lesson that personal politics had absolutely no place in the newsroom.
This was the single-most emphasized point that was taught at grad school. The professors painted a sacred newsroom where all ideas were discussed. And I really liked this magical place...
And then I woke up.
And then I interned at a hit TV news show where the seniors cheered when a Democrat won an election. Where I actually heard a producer say, "you're an idiot if you voted for Bush." And then I worked at a Northeast bureau breaking news desk where similar scenarios played out. And then I worked on a network news website that was intended for classroom use (yes- intended to mold the minds of America's youth), where marketing executives would blatantly try to cut Republican personalities from our content and where ridiculing Republicans seemed as acceptable a sport as Scientology-bashing and terrorist-hating.
And then I woke up and opened Facebook and nearly every single news person I know is publicly donating their viral powers to a political party. I'm talking about bureau chiefs and producers and rights and clearances people and editors and former journalism classmates and even deans at the journalism school.
And then I went to work and I actually saw people wearing Obama pins. And in one of the hallways someone had taped up that Economist cover featuring Mr. Obama and the text: "It's time".
Shame on all of you who work in the news and engage in this type of alienating behavior, this behavior that hinders robust discussion of the issues. Shame on you. If you are so passionate and educated about policy and politics, what are you doing working in what should be an objective industry? Go run for office.
And you know what? I had a really crappy day.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Enlightened Statesmen
I do not like politics. I promise that this will be the one and only time I broach the subject, but I figured that since Election Tuesday is Girl Tuesday’s exclusive jurisdication, I might as well subject you to my two cents.
Let me begin by saying that it is not that I dislike ALL politics—it is that I dislike modern politics—the cult of personality that Girl Friday pointed out last week. The truth of the matter is, I dislike modern political parties and election campaigns because I idolize our founding fathers. The Federalist Papers is one of my two favorite books (or serial publications, if you want to be painstakingly correct. As a side note, my other favorite is equally lame, but that is a subject for another day). I am your typical political science geek. I find Locke, Rousseau, and Machiavelli fascinating; and I am inspired by the fact that Hamilton, Madison, and Jay were able to build upon these great enlightenment foundations and articulate to the constitutional convention the arguments for the great American experiment. I don’t want to vote for career politicians, or support the political machinery. I don’t feel particularly strong allegiances to my political parties, and I would rather engage in intellectual debate on the issues than subject myself to two minute sound bites from the candidates hammering away their three or four talking points for that particular engagement.
I detest the lying; I can’t stand the calculating. I long for leaders who act as gentlemen. I don’t want a President I can have a beer with, I want a President who is smarter, more courageous, and more principled than I could ever be. I want a President who is strong in his convictions but gentle in his guidance. I want a President who harbors the same level of respect for the American Experience—who recognizes that if men were angels, they wouldn’t need Government.
And I can honestly say, writing this at 11 pm on Monday night, that I am still undecided. I’ve been joking all fall that I wanted to write in George Washington, because neither candidate satisfies my personal criteria of what it should take to assume the role that our Founders so carefully crafted to lead the Executive Branch of Government. I note, as well, that it was to lead the Executive Branch, not to lead our entire nation, or to lead the free world. Perhaps there is an argument to be made that the nature of governance has changed enough since 1783 that we should remake the Presidency in a modern image. But right now, sitting and staring at a blank television that I shut off to block out the final barrage of advertisements, I still don’t know who I am going to vote for. Because neither candidate seems to be quite what my friend Publius had in mind.
Let me begin by saying that it is not that I dislike ALL politics—it is that I dislike modern politics—the cult of personality that Girl Friday pointed out last week. The truth of the matter is, I dislike modern political parties and election campaigns because I idolize our founding fathers. The Federalist Papers is one of my two favorite books (or serial publications, if you want to be painstakingly correct. As a side note, my other favorite is equally lame, but that is a subject for another day). I am your typical political science geek. I find Locke, Rousseau, and Machiavelli fascinating; and I am inspired by the fact that Hamilton, Madison, and Jay were able to build upon these great enlightenment foundations and articulate to the constitutional convention the arguments for the great American experiment. I don’t want to vote for career politicians, or support the political machinery. I don’t feel particularly strong allegiances to my political parties, and I would rather engage in intellectual debate on the issues than subject myself to two minute sound bites from the candidates hammering away their three or four talking points for that particular engagement.
I detest the lying; I can’t stand the calculating. I long for leaders who act as gentlemen. I don’t want a President I can have a beer with, I want a President who is smarter, more courageous, and more principled than I could ever be. I want a President who is strong in his convictions but gentle in his guidance. I want a President who harbors the same level of respect for the American Experience—who recognizes that if men were angels, they wouldn’t need Government.
And I can honestly say, writing this at 11 pm on Monday night, that I am still undecided. I’ve been joking all fall that I wanted to write in George Washington, because neither candidate satisfies my personal criteria of what it should take to assume the role that our Founders so carefully crafted to lead the Executive Branch of Government. I note, as well, that it was to lead the Executive Branch, not to lead our entire nation, or to lead the free world. Perhaps there is an argument to be made that the nature of governance has changed enough since 1783 that we should remake the Presidency in a modern image. But right now, sitting and staring at a blank television that I shut off to block out the final barrage of advertisements, I still don’t know who I am going to vote for. Because neither candidate seems to be quite what my friend Publius had in mind.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Daddies
This has been a difficult week for me (and a very difficult last 11 months for a dear, dear friend of mine). I have written several blogs for use in just this case, when words don’t come so easily or when life prevents putting pen to paper in time for Monday morning. But on days like this, a trivial, frivolous blog seems just that . . . trivial.
And so here I sit, words not really coming because hearts are so heavy. So I’ll write some words of advice and then go on about my day.
Go tell your daddy that you love him. If you don’t have a daddy, or aren’t close, tell your momma (or tell her anyway!). Remind yourself that life changes in an instant, one second you’re eating Thanksgiving dinner with the ones you love, the next minute you’re coordinating hospice care and preparing wills. Just like that.
I don’t know what it is about fathers and daughters. If you’re anything like me, you have one of the strongest bonds in the world. I have an amazing DaddyMonday (PH to those of you who know him!) who would do anything in the world, not only for me, but for just about anyone else.
Someday I’ll write about how wonderful he is, but not today. Today I just want to send you off into your work week with this advice: Tell the ones you love that you love them. Show them you love them. And do this every day, for tomorrow they could be gone.
And so here I sit, words not really coming because hearts are so heavy. So I’ll write some words of advice and then go on about my day.
Go tell your daddy that you love him. If you don’t have a daddy, or aren’t close, tell your momma (or tell her anyway!). Remind yourself that life changes in an instant, one second you’re eating Thanksgiving dinner with the ones you love, the next minute you’re coordinating hospice care and preparing wills. Just like that.
I don’t know what it is about fathers and daughters. If you’re anything like me, you have one of the strongest bonds in the world. I have an amazing DaddyMonday (PH to those of you who know him!) who would do anything in the world, not only for me, but for just about anyone else.
Someday I’ll write about how wonderful he is, but not today. Today I just want to send you off into your work week with this advice: Tell the ones you love that you love them. Show them you love them. And do this every day, for tomorrow they could be gone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)