Friday, May 8, 2009

Career Non-Ambition

When I was at my first job out of college, I took a long, hard look at what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  It was hard to say, and looking back, I can see why.  I was doing fine for my age, but I had a long way to go in terms of maturity and self-assuredness.  But, I was also really unhappy at my job and I knew I had to figure something out.  Climbing that particular corporate ladder was not going to happen, and for those of you who know which ladder that was, you know how glad I am that I got off.

The day that I found out I was accepted into graduate school was a very happy one.  I got into my dream school- small program, cool city, and a subject matter that really interested me.  But I was more excited to leave my job than anything else.  No more doing work that didn't hold my interest, no more dealing with truly awful bosses, no more feeling underpaid, no more miserable commute.  My co-workers, who I had grown close to, were happy for me, but I knew they were filled with other emotions when I made my announcement.  As supportive as they were in congratulating me, they were also disappointed-- in themselves-- for not taking their own steps to get out of their crappy positions.

I love change.  And in the words of Fiona Apple, I'm good at being uncomfortable.  It is easy for me to identify something about my life I don't like, and therefore, take steps to change it.  I'm not saying I'm an amazing woman of action.  Sometimes the situation you're in in life necessitates that you patiently wait it out.  At the same time, I'm really thoughtful about what I want my life to mean and I feel like every day, I'm working toward it, not just biding my time.

I really enjoy the work I'm doing now, which is not to say that it's perfect.  But I do work from home, which I really love, and I have the time to take care of my home, my husband and my dog, which are my favorite things to do with my spare time.  Obviously, taking care of a home and a family is not very lucrative.  Yet I feel the income I am making at the moment will allow me to devote more and more time to my home in the future.  It may sound kind of insane that my biggest passion in life comes down to child/doggie care, housecleaning, cooking, and decorating-- but it is what it is.  And, I think doing all of that properly is a full-time job.

In thinking about my future and the things that I get out of having a career, I also feel melancholy when considering what I may be giving up.  However, I think helping a family be productive is an extremely important role.  Maybe many women could do it as well as I could while having thriving careers, but I don't think I can, at least not when I'm a young mother (meaning that the kids are young, not me!).  And I like the idea of my time outside the home being completely selfless- volunteering to help those who truly need it. Again, this scenario is not a lucrative one.  But I'd rather make do on less and not feel the pressure of pleasing an unreasonable boss and scheming through workplace politics.  So I guess in the end, my passion is to not have a job.  I don't know how realistic that is these days, but hopefully my future reality can resemble my greatest hopes, if only faintly.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Life

I never would have guessed that I would have ended up at the company I work for today when I graduated from college almost two years ago. Over the past two years I have developed my professional skills and I have become accustom to working in a corporate setting. While I have had lots of great career opportunities over these past two years, there are so many passions I have outside of work that I would like to dedicate more time to in the future.

I love standing in a mountain river, casting my fishing line, as the cold water rushes across my legs. I love the serene and peaceful atmosphere experienced during long runs on back-wood trails. I love the smiles children get on their faces when time is taken to help with and participate in activities that they really enjoy. I love attending musicals and quietly singing along with the songs as the actors perform on stage. There are so many things that I love doing that I wish I would have spent more time pursuing over these past few years.

My husband always tells me to think about what I REALLY want to accomplish during my life and find a way to pursue those goals. Considering that I am awake roughly 16 hours a day, and roughly 9 hours of this time is spent at work five days a week, it is easy for me to understand how time seems to disappear. While I understand why I have not been pursuing some of the things I love over the past few years as much as I would like, I cannot really accept this fact any longer.

One of my biggest fears in life is that twenty-five years into the future I will look back and have regrets about not accomplishing all that I wanted to during my life. I do not believe that in twenty-five years my life will be over, but my opportunity to accomplish many of my life goals will have vanished. For this reason I have made several promises to myself. I have promised myself that the next professional job I have will be one that I truly have a passion for and that will enable me to pursue something I am passionate about. I have promised myself that my family will always be my first priority, and I will always work hard to keep meaningful relationships with those that I love. I have promised myself that I will do my best to make my children’s dreams become reality, but also dedicate time for my own personal dreams. Lastly, I have promised myself to make a difference in this world, and make a difference in the lives of others.

While there will always be days that seem to drag on forever, overall time passes by far too fast. Before I know it I will be an elderly woman spending more time reflecting on the life I lived, and hopefully spending time with my grandchildren. Before that day comes, many more days will pass. This had led me to an important realization; while I cannot slow the passing of time, I can choose how I will live whatever time I have remaining.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

People Say I'm Crazy Doing What I'm Doing

In 2004 I sat down and had a very serious discussion.. With myself.  I was like, "This is ridiculous. You don't like what you do, you don't want to go to law school, you don't even want to be a lawyer!" And I was all, "You're totally right this is ridiculous." And then I broke out into song: "who am I ANYWAY? Am I my RESUME? Which is a picture of a person I DON'T KNOW..." For those who didn't recognize that, it's a song from "Chorus Line," a song I found- and continue to find- completely tragic.

I was a paralegal, and had been for 3 years after graduation. I found my first job listed in the New York Times, classified section. It was at an enormous law firm, where I was placed in a windowless room, filled with hundreds of ancient cardboard boxes, each filled with thousands of dusty sheets of microfilm. The films contained lists of numbers. I was looking for a specific combination of numbers.  Really, I think they just wanted someone to clean up the mess.

My second job was at personal injury/insurance defense firm, where the managing partner spent all his time at the Dojo.  His secretaries would find him there when someone at the courthouse would call to inform us he'd missed all his appearances for the day.  I left before he ran his firm into the ground.  The next job I took was at a large, intellectual property firm with lots of youngish lawyers, who all told me to get out while I still had a soul.  

On top of all this circumstantial pessimism that surrounded me-- I hated paralegal work.  It felt I was pushing paper around, label making, and FedEx'ing.  To complicate things further, I enrolled in an LSAT prep course, and I had no business sitting in that classroom.  It just wasn't for me.

So I had this meeting with myself.  I went into it armed with two bits of wisdom from my favorite gals: Oprah and Madonna.  I had once read an Oprah quote-- that she firmly believes that there's something for everyone on this planet.  Each person has their purpose based on what they're good at.  And everyone is good at something.

I also once read a Madonna quote-- it's not that most people don't know how to get what they want, it's that most people don't know what they want.  

Drowning in paralegal work was sort of like an out-of-body experience.  I didn't really think I was destined for this type of work.  It felt all wrong.  Distracted, I was forgetting what I was good at.  And I couldn't really figure out what I was working toward.  It felt like I was killing time-- until what?  I was lost and I was scared because I knew- this was how people get stuck.  So when I had my one-person conference call, I decided I was going to put all my bets on my strongest offering, my favorite pasttime- my writing.  I decided to apply to journalism school. 

Two years after graduate school, I'm a much happier person.  I don't fully believe that doing what you love and your job have to be two separate notions.  Work is always going to be work, but you don't have to be miserable- if happiness is important to you.  And knowing what you want isn't always the end.  I often re-assess.  J-school got me my first news job-- what's next?  You have to keep asking yourself if you want to keep moving.



Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The List

There is a deep irony to the fact that I began this post on my BlackBerry while waiting for a metro train well-later than the commuter rush had subsided. My job does lots of things for me- it keeps my mind sharp; on good days, it challenges me to learn new, uncharted areas of the law. It forces me outside of my comfort zone at least two to three times a week, and it provides me with the resources to keep a roof over our heads, food on our table, and clothes on our backs. Each one of those are things I should be thankful for- and in large part, I am.

But my job is not my passion. At least not at the moment. HT is fond of reminding me that there are a select few who are lucky enough to do what they love for a living. The rest of us spend our lives searching for something that pays the bills so that we can do what we love on weekends and holidays.

The good thing about starting off on a career in this day in age is that, unlike our grandparents’ generation that worked that worked their way up through the rank and file from mailroom clerk to CEO with the same firm, company, or agency, Gen Y-ers will spend their life in a range of different jobs. Some related, some entirely unrelated. Some of us may follow the “traditional” model of advancing within a single corporate entity, but others of us will bounce about and be alright with that.

And it’s the ability to bounce that keeps me grounded while waiting for the train at night or driving to the office on a Saturday morning. You see, I have a hard time identifying a single passion that drives me right now. At twenty-eight, I would be lying to say that I have identified my life’s passion. Rather than a single goal or ambition, I have a mental list of next steps which I am patiently waiting to take. It is a bucket list of job titles I hope to check off in pursuit of that one occupation that allows me to truly love what I do. I’m not talking about “dream” jobs like replacing Erin Andrews as an ESPN sideline reporter, writing hotel reviews for Travel & Leisure Magazine, or opening a restaurant specializing in Brunch. I’m talking about a range of jobs which involve a greater degree of public service. I’m talking about teaching college, writing speeches for politicians or public figures, or serving as a legal policy advisor within the Federal Executive Branch. I’m talking about being open to opportunities as they arise—being willing to give up the big pay check in hopes of greater inner-rewards. And I’m talking about being willing to adapt and let work take a back seat to family at the appropriate times, as well.

So I suppose, for now, my passion is keeping my eyes open. And that hope will have to sustain me for the time being.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Working Blog

G'Mony is currently experiencing chaos at work that has left her stressed and without any spare time to blog. She will have to assume the role of Saturday blogger this week. Apologies to all.