Tofu and James Taylor

In thinking about the topic for this week, Things I Love to Hate, I had a lot of trouble. I could think of lots if things that I Hate to Hate:

• Tofu. I know its supposed to be good and better than killing poor, innocent chickens, but I just can't get past the sponginess. I find that unless you cut it into tiny, tiny slivers (let's just call them crumbs) it tastes like eating stir fry with soy sauce flavored jello. Yuk. I really hate that I hate it, but I do. I can't help it. I want so badly to promote the slaughter of innocent soybeans instead.
• Running. I hate running. I always have, but I wish I didn't. It sure would have made the first few weeks of soccer preseason a lot less painful if I could have just stayed in shape over the summer. I manage to make myself run about once a week in the winter and 3-4 times a week in the other months. I want to be trendy and cool (and fit), but I can't figure out a way to make it less monotonous and boring. Oh well.
• American Idol. I HATE this show. I HATE everything about it from the terrible auditions by people who must know they're terrible, to mean Simon, to drunk Paula, to the bad karaoke of Hollywood week. I know it’s cool to love this show and I hate being left out, but I can't force myself through 10 minutes of it without being disgusted (or disheartened by the state of our country - when is it okay to be intentionally mean to someone?). Sorry Fox, I know it's the only reason you're hanging on, but I can't do my part to save your network.
• Forever 21. Most of you probably haven't heard of the Heaven on Earth that is F21 so I'll summarize: it's a suburban mall situated sanctuary if cheap clothes. I don't like to admit that I shop amongst polyester, spandex, sparkly, tube top clad teeny boppers, but I do. And I also use phrases like teeny boppers. Cheap jeans and sunglasses are happiness.

The idea of talking about what I Love to Hate also got me thinking about what I Love to Love (secretly). These are all secrets so shhhh! Don't tell).
• Alabama. Oh God, I can't believe I'm letting the cat out of the bag on this one, but here goes. I'm supposed to hate them, but I don't. I love them. I was born into a hatred of all things Tide, but somewhere along the way I lost interest in hating. So now I secretly cheer for them (except against my beloved Vols, obviously) and am known to secretly squeal the occasional RammerJammer (give 'em HELL) especially when I've been drinking.
• James Taylor. My head thinks of him as in a category with Michael Bolton and Barry Manilow, but my heart and my ears can't get enough. You've got a friend? Classic. Carolina on my mind (enough said!).

So long story long, I did a lot of thinking and finally wrapped my simple mind around the task at hand, those items that I find great pleasure in hating. Drumroll please.....

Things I Love to Hate

• The Bachelor. You may be amazed that I can hate Idol with such passion yet can be so passionate about this stupid show. I’m the first to admit this bastion of faux tans, cleavage, desperation, and tears should have been off the air years ago. But since it’s not, I still watch (although I've missed probably half the seasons). This show brings out the snarky side of me, but I love being snarky. I think part of why I love the Bachelor is why I love the romcom, I'm a romantic at heart and this stupid show plays to that. Oh, and I love making fun of the desperate girls who talk about babies and wedding planning the first night. Heh.
• Walmart. I love telling everyone how much I despise this store with its big box attitude. I hate the way they sprawl on for miles and miles with their enormous parking lots. I hate the way they treat their employees like dirt. I hate their big box attitude. I hate the way they manhandle the small companies whose products they sell. And I definitely hate the way they draw out the rednecks in droves. And I love to tell all of those things to any poor soul who utters the words Walmart within 50 feet of me. Oh, and I loooove their prices. Shhhh!
• Flying. I like to talk about how much I hate to fly, but I sure love to do it. I would travel every weekend if I could. I bitch and moan about the long security lines, taking off my shoes, and running to make connections because of delays (which I secretly love - such a sense of accomplishment when you make it. Like beating the system at its own game. Take that airline!). I love fitting everything into one suitcase, I love all my 3.2 oz travel bottles, and I especially love the feeling of traveling so far in such a relatively short amount of time. So while United expends all of its energy trying to piss me off by making me sleep in O'Hare, I keep packing lighter and refusing to pay for a drink, pillow, exit row, isle, movie, or extra bag (or first bag).