Fake Sick

I have only ever once called into work “fake sick.” And I use the term work there veeery loosely. It’s not that I’m ethically above calling in, it’s just that when the time comes to actually do it, I can never pull the trigger. I can’t conjure up even the slightest tickle in the back of my throat that would push me over the edge. Yep, I’m sick.

People in my office call in sick all the time. Or at least they must. Because no one can be as sick as some of the people I work with are on Fridays and Mondays (the best days ever to be “sick”, but the worst days to be actually sick because that means you probably weren’t feeling well over the weekend and no one wants that). I wish I had that ability to not feel compelled to get up and come in. Combined with a boss that would seem oblivious. Combined with a lack of caring for one’s profession. Okay, maybe not that last one, I don’t think I’d ever want to not care about my job. If that’s ever the case, I should probably change jobs. Hmm…..Anyway, the one time I called in sick was to go to the SEC basketball tournament (I called into my college internship with food poisoning. It’s your best bet for fake sickness, no one questions, you don’t have to pretend to sneeze or cough, and you can “get over it” in a day/few days).

I really wanted to call in today. Really badly. I was out of town last night and didn’t get back to the house until close to midnight, and knew there was no way I would want to get up this morning. Which I didn’t. But more than anything, and is always the case when I want to call in sick, the weather is PERFECT. Or at least a Southerner’s definition of perfect (which may be a little hot for some of you Northern gals). It was 82 and sunny all weekend, and today is supposed to be just another of the same. We’ve been setting rainfall records around here for the last two months (8+ inches in May) so I am grateful for the sun. We had a few nice days in the middle of March where it was, what the weather people would term “unseasonably warm”, but it’s done nothing but rain since then. A cursory check of the ole internet, turns up 19 out of the last 30 days with rain. Blech. No wonder the dog was starting to smell like mildew. Anyway, that just makes days like today all that much nicer. It’s the third wonderfully perfect day we’ve had a in row. 55 degrees and cool when you wake up. Warming gradually throughout the day, never getting hot, and another cool down after supper. I’d love to be at home in my bathing suit at the pool right now (okay, that would not be at home, exactly) or even in my yard tending to my plant babies.

Either way, I can’t even find a little tickle in the back of my throat. No cramps in sight. And last night’s dinner settled in with my stomach quite well. So I guess I’m not sick. And I’m stuck here all day.