People Say I'm Crazy Doing What I'm Doing

In 2004 I sat down and had a very serious discussion.. With myself.  I was like, "This is ridiculous. You don't like what you do, you don't want to go to law school, you don't even want to be a lawyer!" And I was all, "You're totally right this is ridiculous." And then I broke out into song: "who am I ANYWAY? Am I my RESUME? Which is a picture of a person I DON'T KNOW..." For those who didn't recognize that, it's a song from "Chorus Line," a song I found- and continue to find- completely tragic.

I was a paralegal, and had been for 3 years after graduation. I found my first job listed in the New York Times, classified section. It was at an enormous law firm, where I was placed in a windowless room, filled with hundreds of ancient cardboard boxes, each filled with thousands of dusty sheets of microfilm. The films contained lists of numbers. I was looking for a specific combination of numbers.  Really, I think they just wanted someone to clean up the mess.

My second job was at personal injury/insurance defense firm, where the managing partner spent all his time at the Dojo.  His secretaries would find him there when someone at the courthouse would call to inform us he'd missed all his appearances for the day.  I left before he ran his firm into the ground.  The next job I took was at a large, intellectual property firm with lots of youngish lawyers, who all told me to get out while I still had a soul.  

On top of all this circumstantial pessimism that surrounded me-- I hated paralegal work.  It felt I was pushing paper around, label making, and FedEx'ing.  To complicate things further, I enrolled in an LSAT prep course, and I had no business sitting in that classroom.  It just wasn't for me.

So I had this meeting with myself.  I went into it armed with two bits of wisdom from my favorite gals: Oprah and Madonna.  I had once read an Oprah quote-- that she firmly believes that there's something for everyone on this planet.  Each person has their purpose based on what they're good at.  And everyone is good at something.

I also once read a Madonna quote-- it's not that most people don't know how to get what they want, it's that most people don't know what they want.  

Drowning in paralegal work was sort of like an out-of-body experience.  I didn't really think I was destined for this type of work.  It felt all wrong.  Distracted, I was forgetting what I was good at.  And I couldn't really figure out what I was working toward.  It felt like I was killing time-- until what?  I was lost and I was scared because I knew- this was how people get stuck.  So when I had my one-person conference call, I decided I was going to put all my bets on my strongest offering, my favorite pasttime- my writing.  I decided to apply to journalism school. 

Two years after graduate school, I'm a much happier person.  I don't fully believe that doing what you love and your job have to be two separate notions.  Work is always going to be work, but you don't have to be miserable- if happiness is important to you.  And knowing what you want isn't always the end.  I often re-assess.  J-school got me my first news job-- what's next?  You have to keep asking yourself if you want to keep moving.