Career Non-Ambition

When I was at my first job out of college, I took a long, hard look at what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  It was hard to say, and looking back, I can see why.  I was doing fine for my age, but I had a long way to go in terms of maturity and self-assuredness.  But, I was also really unhappy at my job and I knew I had to figure something out.  Climbing that particular corporate ladder was not going to happen, and for those of you who know which ladder that was, you know how glad I am that I got off.

The day that I found out I was accepted into graduate school was a very happy one.  I got into my dream school- small program, cool city, and a subject matter that really interested me.  But I was more excited to leave my job than anything else.  No more doing work that didn't hold my interest, no more dealing with truly awful bosses, no more feeling underpaid, no more miserable commute.  My co-workers, who I had grown close to, were happy for me, but I knew they were filled with other emotions when I made my announcement.  As supportive as they were in congratulating me, they were also disappointed-- in themselves-- for not taking their own steps to get out of their crappy positions.

I love change.  And in the words of Fiona Apple, I'm good at being uncomfortable.  It is easy for me to identify something about my life I don't like, and therefore, take steps to change it.  I'm not saying I'm an amazing woman of action.  Sometimes the situation you're in in life necessitates that you patiently wait it out.  At the same time, I'm really thoughtful about what I want my life to mean and I feel like every day, I'm working toward it, not just biding my time.

I really enjoy the work I'm doing now, which is not to say that it's perfect.  But I do work from home, which I really love, and I have the time to take care of my home, my husband and my dog, which are my favorite things to do with my spare time.  Obviously, taking care of a home and a family is not very lucrative.  Yet I feel the income I am making at the moment will allow me to devote more and more time to my home in the future.  It may sound kind of insane that my biggest passion in life comes down to child/doggie care, housecleaning, cooking, and decorating-- but it is what it is.  And, I think doing all of that properly is a full-time job.

In thinking about my future and the things that I get out of having a career, I also feel melancholy when considering what I may be giving up.  However, I think helping a family be productive is an extremely important role.  Maybe many women could do it as well as I could while having thriving careers, but I don't think I can, at least not when I'm a young mother (meaning that the kids are young, not me!).  And I like the idea of my time outside the home being completely selfless- volunteering to help those who truly need it. Again, this scenario is not a lucrative one.  But I'd rather make do on less and not feel the pressure of pleasing an unreasonable boss and scheming through workplace politics.  So I guess in the end, my passion is to not have a job.  I don't know how realistic that is these days, but hopefully my future reality can resemble my greatest hopes, if only faintly.